if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
