Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
