And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
