Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
