I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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