Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Randomize
