All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
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I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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