yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
