I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
