Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
