Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Is it because I queefed?
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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