If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
