I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
