You smell like a Billy Joel song
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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