do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Another day, another engagement, another cat
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
