Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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