smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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