Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
