You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
