If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Randomize
