so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
this must be what syphilis tastes like
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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