I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
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