I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
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