That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
