Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
