i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
