Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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