from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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