It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
