dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
