thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
