You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
