I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
