I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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