I would go down on you faster than GM stock
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
i've created a new STD.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
