i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
