Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Randomize
