On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Randomize
