A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
