"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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