The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
