what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I don't �care how much you're grieving �a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.�
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
