i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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