Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
