I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
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