WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
