Apparently you make a good broom.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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