Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
My liver just broke up with me...
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Randomize
