Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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