If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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