im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Randomize
