I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
